Life
-
Agita
Maybe I’m a little on edge because later this week I’ll have my first scans since completing treatment at MD Anderson. This nervousness is called “scanxiety,” I understand. Ha, ha. Cancer is hilarious. Or maybe I’m a little agitated because I’m going through withdrawal from the prednisone I was taking for radiation pneumonitis. Or maybe Continue reading
-
Now what?
Just when I was getting the hang of cancer treatment, it’s over. (And I always whisper to myself “yeah, for now” but you can’t hear me say that.) I had my last carboplatin/paclitaxel ritual poisoning two weeks ago. Thirty radiation treatments, five rounds of chemo, a clinical trial I got kicked off of because I Continue reading
-
Dancing
This post has nothing to do with anything, just a particularly sweet memory that surfaced today. And since I got nothin’ else you want to hear about — unless you want to hear about the setbacks and side effects of cancer (and I assure you, it’s always something gross or annoying, if not possibly life Continue reading
-
Petty and I Don’t Mean Tom
Petty and mean-spirited. It’s what I am today. People with cancer are supposed to be grateful and mindful and I am most of the time in my meditative-elevative state, but not today. I’m physically uncomfortable, missing home, itching from a drug rash, in pain from (pardon my indelicacy) a urinary tract infection and just sick Continue reading
-
Vay-cay
Remember when I said I thought I was about to get my ass kicked? Well, I managed to ditch ’em with a few fake-out maneuvers. For now. But it won’t be long before they catch up and prolly mad as hell, too. But that’s another day. You learn to be happy with one day at Continue reading
-
Ruh-roh
I’ll be starting cancer treatment soon. Radiation and chemotherapy. Why do I get the feeling that I’m about to walk down a dark alley, on a moonless night, in a bad neighborhood, in a strange city, and a whole bunch of the town’s Baddest Gang members — all with chains, brass knuckles and baseball bats Continue reading
-
Storm
Sitting at the computer reading and drinking coffee this morning, my phone rang at 9:30. Woman on the other end: “Good morning. Is this a good time? ” Me gut-punched, recognizing the caller ID: “I guess.” I knew why she was calling. “We have the results of your biopsy from Monday. Poorly differentiated carcinoma.** Thoracic Continue reading
-
Promise
in spring in an open field barefoot in the diamond dew of morning we walk, our fingers locked your little hand, mine bigger silently, suddenly (what joan didion calls ‘the ordinary instant’) a narrow stream of water appears between us you on one side now me on the other bread and butter our fingers locked Continue reading
About Me
This blog started out as letters to my dog maizie but devolved into meaningless observations from a half-deaf cancer alumnus introvert navigating the noise you other people make.
DEARMAIZIE 